Investigation Discovery : Stupid Criminals

Bumble & Stumble Into the Full Story

Photo: Thinkstock

Comments (0) | Email This | |

Posted in Driver , Tantrum , Weapon | Permalink

Gang Busted; Facebook “Friend” Was the Cops

05/31/2012

One these friends is not like the others!

Today, thanks to world-class imbecility, 14 dangerous idiots calling themselves the Brower Boys Burglary Crew are in custody.

They range in ages from 13 to 20, but don't let their youth fool you.

Besides robbing homes by way of fire escapes throughout the Brooklyn area, they are accused of multiple assaults and at least one brutal gang rape.

They were a plague on society.

This being 2012, however, the thugs were so active on Facebook that they felt comfortable arguing about how to split up their swag in full public view.

One posted videos of himself brandishing a gun. They repeatedly trash talked one another online.

And, of course, the number one, ace, dumb-dumb move came when one of the crew unknowingly friended the police.

An officer was able to learn the goon squad's next target from a Facebook posting, and authorities set up video to catch the burglary in progress.

All were arrested on the spot, and the world is a better place.

We would like to suggest a new, more accurate name for this gang of morons: The Brower Boys Bonehead Bunch.

Take a Leap Into the Full Story

Photo: Thinkstock

Comments (0) | Email This | |

Posted in Conspiracy , Oops , Robbery , Teen | Permalink

Suspect Flees Into Pond; Remembers He Can't Swim

05/30/2012

Crime is a complicated proposition.

There is the doing of it, the fleeing from it, and the getting away with it.

It was the middle part that did in a 29-year-old car thief in Salt Lake City this week.

Police identified the stolen vehicle at 3 a.m. and tried to stop it, but the driver took off.

After a short chase the man stopped the car, ran into Liberty Park and took a head-first dive into a very large pond there.

It may have been the shock of the cold water on his body, or the fact that he could not stop from sinking like a brick -- whatever the impetus, he suddenly realized he could not swim.

But it seems that he was still very conflicted.

On one hand, he kept shouting that he needed help from the authorities to keep from dying. Then again, he fought them every time they got near him.

So a police K-9 officer bit him (just a few times) into submission.

Today he is safe and sound and dry in jail, charged with possessing a stolen vehicle, evading arrest, fleeing on foot and driving on a denied license.

At present there is no such crime as “Drowning in One's Own Stupidity.”

Belly Up to the Full Story

Photo: Thinkstock

Comments (0) | Email This | |

Posted in Driver , Oops | Permalink

Overweight Burglar Gets Stuck in Fence

05/29/2012

Today we explode two myths.

First, it seems that all burglars are not of the lean, agile cat variety.

Some are of the fat, lazy, can-barely-keep-their-eyes-open cat variety.

In Stockholm, Sweden an unnamed thief suffered the consequences of living in the birthplace of that all-you-can-eat, legendary food orgy known as smorgasbord.

The stealing part he did great.

It was the ducking his ample figure through the fence part that tripped him up. Or more accurately, wedged him in.

And this brings us to the second busted myth.

You probably think of Swedish people as nice, gentle souls.

Well ... maybe not so much.

Although the police did not release the name of the paunchy perpetrator, they did take a picture of him stuck in the fence before they released him.

Just for their records, right?

Wrong. That picture was promptly posted on the police Twitter account, and is at this very moment circulating in cyberspace for all the world to mock.

Might that not be considered cruel and highly unusual punishment?

Face Up to the Full Story

Photo: Photo and Co.

Comments (0) | Email This | |

Posted in Food and Drink , International Crimes , Oops , Robbery | Permalink

Memorial Day Special: Unforgettable Stupid Criminals

05/28/2012

It takes all kinds to make a country.

While today is a day to remember the very best that America has to offer, we feel it's only fair to season that with a dash of comic relief in a rogues gallery of the very worst.

Or at least the very dumbest.

These 10 dunderheads decided to go into the crime business, but just could not give in to the anonymity that career path requires.

The idea behind doing evil is to avoid being identified. Individuality has its place, but a successful crook tries to blend in with his or her surroundings.

Despite that basic principle, each of our geniuses has a very distinctive face tattoo ... yes ... face tattoo.

Check them out here ... from scripture passages to radio station call letters to (our nominee as) the very best one at the end.

We hope you're having a great holiday, and please do take time to remember those who have given all they had to give for us.

Smack Down the Full Story

Photo: Thinkstock

Comments (2) | Email This | |

Posted in Disguises , Irony , Oops | Permalink

Movie-Goer Accused of Punching Noisy Kid

05/25/2012

There are things in this world that you really want to do, but should not.

In Seattle today, no one knows that better than Yong Hyun Kim.

He is accused of punching a 10-year-old in the mouth, bloodying his nose and knocking out a tooth.

But wait … here is Kim's version of the story.

He and his girlfriend were watching Titanic 3-D in the theater (a very pricey ticket, mind you).

Behind them, three or four boys started talking loudly and running up and down the aisles.

This was very distracting and Yong turned to ask the lads to settle down.

They did not settle down, but instead started throwing popcorn at him and his girlfriend.

Then the boys began bumping him as they ran up the aisle.

Finally, he confronted them face-to-face and demanded they behave.

They laughed at him.

So he punched out the closest little dude.

Again, we stress how very, very wrong this was. Still, you have probably been there and wish … no, it's just plain wrong.

The kids' version is slightly different, although they do admit to the talking part.

Mr. Kim has been charged with second degree assault.

Photo: Hemera Technologies

Comments (0) | Email This | |

Posted in Kids , Movies | Permalink

It's Jail for Man Dressed as His Dead Mom

05/24/2012

Mothers are not like rock bands.

Impersonating them is not considered a tribute.

In fact, Thomas Prusik-Parkin's six-year mommy mimic to collect his late mom's Social Security benefits is considered grand larceny and mortgage fraud.

And this week it earned him up to 41 years in prison.

It seems that Thomas barely took time to grieve before breaking into mother's closet and trying on her things.

But not simply for pleasure (as far as we know).

Prosecutors showed DMV security camera footage of Prusik-Parkin dressed in full regalia as his mom to renew her/his driver's license.

The “man-mom” wasn't just signing checks. Mr. Thomas Prusik-Parkin was in it for the complete costumed performance.

He might have gotten away with it for much longer, except that he got greedy.

Thomas was discovered when he went to a Brooklyn District Attorney's office in full dress to report that he was being scammed out of a building that his mom owned. They were not fooled.

Are you confused yet?

The conventional thinking is that he will go back to his conventional clothing choices while incarcerated.

Dress Up the Full Story

Go Wild on the Full Story

Photo: Ron Nickel / Design Pics

Comments (1) | Email This | |

Posted in Disguises , Senior Citizens | Permalink

She Kissed a Girl (and He Didn't Like It)

05/23/2012

John Vincenti was not amused.

Nor was he excited or aroused or in any way turned on when he saw his fiancee kissing another woman.

But he was passionate.

And the Oakland County, Michigan man faces trial as a result.

It all started with two couples celebrating the fiancee's birthday amid much joy and alcohol.

At some point in the festivities the two ladies exchanged a kiss.

This is something that 21^st century drunken women are known to do from time to time, generally to the delight of 21^st century drunken men.

John's reaction was swift and definite.

He punched his soon-to-be-bride in the mouth.

Immediately fists and furniture were flying around the room like kernels in a popcorn popper.

The other woman hit John over the head with a frying pan.

John took the pan away and smacked her boyfriend with it.

As police arrived they found the driveway and house interior strewn with broken bottles, pots, pans and assorted household items.

Naturally, Mr. Vincenti fought with authorities as they took him into custody.

Just as naturally, the love of his life defended him, stating through her bleeding lip:

“John is my fiancee, I don't want to throw him under the bus.”

Charges of assault and resisting police are set for May 31.

Freak Out on the Full Story

Photo: BananaStock

Comments (0) | Email This | |

Posted in Couples , Drunk , Romance | Permalink

Half-Naked Woman Beats Up Police

05/22/2012

First ... exactly what constitutes being “half-naked”?

Well, in this case it's a woman in a Seattle bar who got it into her head to defrock and replace her bra and shirt with hot pink duct tape. You read that correctly: hot … pink … duct tape.

[Fashion Note: Removal of duct tape from these areas may prove to be nipple unfriendly.]

Yes, trouble was a-brewin'.

Asked to leave the bar, she objected, injured the bartender's arm and attacked a woman, clawing at her face and eyes.

Her havoc having just started, she exited, ran down the street and ducked into a KFC/Taco Bell.

Police found her hiding in the ladies room.

As they attempted to cuff her, she “freaked out” according to a witness on the scene. Good description.

The semi-nude, ninja-nimble female kicked a policeman's head and legs, did an over-the-head back flip and escaped from the patrol car.

Another head kick resulted in an officer's concussion. A kick to the hand severed an officer's tendon. A kick to the jaw brought bruising and swelling.

Finally she was subdued, arrested and brought to a hospital along with her three police victims.

At the hospital the woman embarked on another kicking conniption, before being drugged into unconsciousness.

We see two morals to this story:

a) Duct tape is not the answer to every problem; and b) If you ever see a person enter an establishment carrying hot pink duct tape, remove yourself from the premises forthwith.

Photo: Thinkstock

Comments (1) | Email This | |

Posted in Disguises , Nudity , Tantrum | Permalink

Drunk Drives Into Police Parking Lot

05/21/2012

Or maybe we have it all wrong.

Was he being diabolical, hiding in the last place anyone would suspect? (Nah.)

Either way, Peter Thomas Makela had had a full night.

There were the few drinks he'd quaffed attending a concert at the Florida Theater in Jacksonville earlier in the evening.

And the few more he'd belted down at the bar across the street from the theater while waiting for concert traffic to clear out.

Not to mention the urban renewal work he'd undertaken on his way home.

Peter had managed to strike a parked car, collide with a light pole, and uproot a street sign before making a hard right into the parking lot of the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office.

Whew! That was … d'oh!

Greeted by an officer, Mr. Makela offered this up ... he thought he might have nicked a parking meter back there a bit.

The highly trained officer, noting the top of the light pole resting in the bed of Peter's Toyota Tacoma, suspected there was more to the story.

And so Peter Thomas Makela was taken into custody.

In these times of fiscal scrutiny regarding government practices, it's important to note that he was brought to justice with no chase-related mileage charges incurred by authorities.

Pull Into the Full Story